Airplane Tickets Suck Ass

So I am a massive fan of Alaska Air, right? And so I have a shitload of miles, right? So I had this notion that I'd get the kids to fly free and I'd suck it up and pay, oh, $350 for a ticket.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, that's what the airlines say. They say, Ha! sucker! you fucking wish you could hop on a lil ol airplane and skeedaddle across the country to frolic on the Cape Cod shores and be serenaded by western Mass cicadas! You wish, and wishing is all you will do! The airlines say that I, a non-wealthy person who is working for a living these days will be staying right here in the sunny climes of Ellensburg, that's what they say.

I'm crushed. I'm such a believer in freedom and lately it's not coming so easily. Why did I move all the way across the goddamed country? Sometimes I feel like I would happily crawl the three thousand miles just to get a snootful of the smell of fallen maple leaves or to hear a Boston accent.

But it seems it's not to be, although I'll keep trying. It doesn't look promising, though. And that sucks ass.